Dont sweat it if you are nearing retirement and don't have a dime. Here's the plan....
Get $500 for a ticket to norway. Go to the nearest bank and rob it. Wait for the police.
They will put you in jail. But you will have your own room, private bathroom, a computer and a tv.. Access to the gym, and library and game room .. Some beautiful leggy blond guards. No downside. Ya gotta admit its a great plan