and I'm not manly enough to fly out and ride it back (right now at least).
I had an ST2 for a while, not a bad riding bike but the fueling control is pretty crude as those had early design electronic fuel injection but no o2 sensor. Those early Ducati electronic fuel injected bikes REALLY responded well to a specialized chip for the fueling computer as well as opening up the exhaust restriction a little. (mufflers were pretty tightly corked to get U.S. import approval)
If that bike has been sitting for a few years with little or no riding & no belt maintenance then you probably don't want to ride it home anyhow as the Ducati ST2 uses a 1: to 1: cam belt ratio (ie gets the camshaft 1/2 speed inside the engine not in the belt drive/driven ratio. This basically means that both cam belts run around very small diameter drive & driven sprockets so that forces lots of belt flexing at the small diameter sprocket interface. (good news is, the cam belts were not expensive or difficult to find).
You definitely do not want to break a cam belt as the engine is an interference type engine so with no valve springs to park a spinning cam at valve-closed position then a broken cam belt will usually bend a couple of valves, ruin a piston, & sometimes ruin a cylinder head.
The good news is the ST2 is pre-high tec so you can install & adjust the cam belt tension yourself (not difficult) as you don't need a frequency tuner to adjust or set cam belt tension.
When you get that bike check the manual as the gas tank is actually on a hinge so easily pivots up out of the way without removing (works best with under 1/4 tank of fuel in it).